HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR RIGHT PARTNER.

This article is everyone most especially for people who go into relationships for a particular purpose(s) which has caused so many relationships to fail for the fact that you have a particular purpose for going into relationship with your partner is the beginning of failure. I n getting married you have to note that your partner  is your life friend, brother, sister, husband, wife and everything to you and choosing the right one will help you enjoy your marriage. Divorce has been the order of the day where partners can no longer bear one another in the home.
Some get married and about 2-3 years they get divorced due to certain reasons they never care to put in place before getting married. Single parenthood has so much effect on the children, it has proven that a child who grew up under a single parent is bound to lack some vital things about life because when both parent put heads together to train up a child, there is more advantage to the than a child been raised if by a single parent but that does not guarantee any child raised up a single parent will be a wayward child or a single parent cannot raised a good and well behaved child.

    There is this short story  of a lady who was about getting married because she is not getting any younger, she had two options that is two men she was in relationship with and was having difficulty in choosing one of them for marriage, one of them a businessman and the other a struggling man but she loves one more than the other, the one she loved most was the struggling one, she has been in relationship with both of them for the up to 4 years and was prepared to get  married to the one she loves most but the one she loves gave a genuine reason for them to wait saying he had to make money for them to live a happy life, that she should wait for him as he is travelling to United States to make some money when he comes back they will get married. They both agreed and after about a year the man said to the lady to give him more time meanwhile the other has proposed to the lady begging her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Due to her age, and probably unaware when her first choice will come back and family pressure for her to get married, she finally consent. They were together for about 2 years of marriage they started having relationship problems, the husband will beat her like he never liked her, he gave her conditions under which she must live by, he told her never to visit her family without his permission or notice, never to carry his baby to any of her family members, none of her family members should come visiting, and all sort of irrelevant rules and regulations. She was living a life of torment and slavery, she ran to her family for help but all she could get was encouragement words like “bear it, it is just for a while, he will change soon”, this is how life has been going on with her till date.

      She is facing all this problems because she chose the wrong partner and that’s due to certain conditions (impatience and pressure from her parents). Hence comes our topic HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR RIGHT PARTNER.

                                   

 Perhaps you have a large list of things you want your partner to have, then you are not alone. The most common characteristics people want in their partners include:

a)      Honesty

b)      Intelligence

c)       Sense of humor

d)      Stability

e)      Communication

f)       Common hobbies and interest

  Men may look out for relationship that allows autonomy, while women look out for relationship that allows sense of connection. In other to find your right partner you have to think of those traits that you desire your partner should have that is to your own advantage and your marriage. The secondary traits may include:

a)      Height

b)      Color

c)       Health

d)      Complexion

e)      Body posture etc

Here are list of things to consider when choosing your right partner

a)      Love: For you to choose the right partner you must have love(deep feeling) for that partner and ensure your partner do same with you in that way you will create an emotional connection.

b)      Commitment to personal growth: your partner should be a person who loves learning to be a better person, aware of emotional baggage and weakness and have personal goals for self improvement.

c)       Emotional openness: you should be aware of your partner feelings, if your partner is able to express his/her feelings and desire to share feelings with you.

d)      Integrity: your partner should be the type that is honest with him/her, with others and with you and also ensure he/she does not play games about wants and feelings.

e)      Maturity and Responsibility: your partner should be the type that maintains the home, pay bills, handle finances properly, shows up on time, does not let people down, respects your boundaries, values and time.

f)       High self esteem: your partner should be the type that takes pride in themselves without being arrogant, do not allow people to mistreat him/her, takes care of his health, and living environment.

g)      Positive attitude towards life: your partner should be the type that focuses on solutions instead of problem, thus obstacles to opportunities and also see the good in people and situations.

h)      Consider some flaws that can be fatal to your relationship like:

Addictions, feeling like a victim control freak, anger, hasn’t grown up, have emotional damage from childhood, and check if he has recovered from past relationship(s).

Read also Marriage counselling success story

   ANALYZE YOURSELF

Ask yourself what is holding you back from having relationship, examine your previous relationship and learn from them, what mistakes you made, what would you like change. Once you are in a relationship and have chosen your partner, you should continually examine your compatibility with your partner, do not ignore warning signs of potential problem. Other problems include compromising because you feel your partner will find them not interesting reducing your communication with family members because your partner dislikes it, talk to your partner, feel free to ask him about his background, what would he/she like to do for fun, what did he/she do for fun when he/she was young, how much time your partner take for leisure, what was his/her relationship like when growing up, how do your partner handle tough times, what are his/her plans for future, do him/her likes helping in house chores, and also try to be patient with your partner as all these questions cannot be asked in a day not even in a week or month.

CONCLUSION: The above mentioned traits will help you choose your desired partner, a partner you will be able to spend the rest of your life with in joy and not regrets. Make that move, make that choice, sort out for those traits and live a happy married life.

                

References: (1) James, J and Schlesinger, I

                             Addison-Wesley: Minloy Park, CA   

                       (2) De Angelis, B.

                             Delacorte Press, New York

                       (3) Franklin Nathaneal

                                  Writer