CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIP

WHAT IS CONFLICT: When we mean by conflict we can say there is a disagreement between two or more persons or probably among communities. The fact that humans exist in this world, there is bound to be conflict. What I agree on is may not be what the other agree on, so therefore you want your perception , ideas suggestion be taken as the final say while the other also feels the same way, for that reason conflict is likely to occur. According to Wikipedia  by Rakhim “conflict is an interactive process manifested or dissonance within or between social entities”. In essence, it means conflict is an act by parties in which they have a conscious belief and opinion they wish or want the other party to adapt to and whereby such party refuses there is conflict. We can simply put that conflict is a struggle or an opposition for example if you and your best friend love the same person, you will have to find a way to resolve conflict. Having known a few definition about conflict, lets now put it to our context:

CONFLICTS IN RELATIONSHIP (Its advantages and disadvantages): we all know or basically most of us know that a relationship that is few days or weeks old is bound to have conflicts, I put it to you o decide, but this is the fact. These partners have yet to understand themselves so they can fight or argue over almost every issue but very often its because of some perceived inequity in the relationship. Marriage can be looked as a barter system where each partner strives to get certain benefits from each other that is it is a “give me I give you thing”. Couples make all sorts of exchange to try to keep the relationship equitable. We may make certain personal sacrifices for the sake of our relationship and expect the same or similar kind of sacrifices from our partner. When a partner feels there is balance, that’s the amount we give is equal to the amount  we receive our relationship feels good, however when one partner is feels he/she gives more than received he/she perceives imbalance and this becomes a concern for shorted partner and that becomes a reason for confrontation. In the true sense of it, arguments are good start in a relationship, if we are unhappy with something our do or don’t, only by confronting them can give ourselves a chance to make our needs understood. What I mean is that individually, keeping problems to ourselves cannot make the partner understand our feelings or wants or probably where we have been wronged or offended, so we do so by going to them and telling them our pains. Arguments also makes partner come together to make appropriate adjustment towards or in their relationship so that when the problems are resolved makes them more bonded as partners.  Of course as its not always to see the benefits or advantages of fighting in relationship. Relationship can also go through times when partners feel like they just cant get along with each other for example dealing with crisis situations or entering into a new life stage such as starting a family can make life stressful sometimes we may look at other couple and compare them with ours thinking they don’t argue as much or with such intense hostility or they are just better at handling their problems than we are. However, going through periods of high conflict is completely normal. it happens virtually to all couples and we are no  worse or better than them, and come to think of it, we never can tell what happens behind closed doors, the couple you see happy, playful, romantic, or loved by each other in the social circle might just be worst enemies in the home. The show of affection publicly is just to cover up their stains and marital issues in the home. Am not trying to say conflict is the best way in resolving marital or relationship issues.
    Read also: How to choose your right partner

         A couple can avoid conflict because they believe their issues cannot be resolved or their communication styles may be dysfunctional that even minor confrontations turn into major fights. Other partners may see such issues and avoid it because they are considered to be close to a discussion the other partner is not willing to change. Whatever the reason, when a couple dismisses issues to avoid conflicts, any respect aspect of their relationship that causes discontent will remain unsolved. Consequently, an unhappy partner doesn’t feel they have the power to make his/her relationship any better. When arguing is excessive especially if the arguments never result to solved problems or end on positive note, the evidence suggest there is a good chance the relationship will not last long. Having discuss conflicts in relationship and highlighted some of the advantages and disadvantages, lets now know what can lead to conflicts in relationships:

WHAT LEADS TO CONFLICT:

1
) )      Criticism: This is when a partner is always or at most times on the criticizing end of the relationship. Am not saying when you have something to tell your partner you shouldn’t do so but the way and manner we put words when speaking most times in a negative way will definitely lead to conflict. You can be adding salt to injury.

2)     Personal demands: Sometimes what we desire and wish should occur in the relationship is not what your partner wants then there is bound to be conflict. When our expectations are violated we feel abused, so its important to look into our relationships and know what we have and want.

3)     Cumulative annoyance: this means that when someone have been bothering or nag over something and the manner at which the person bothers us about such matter keeps annoying us, it will get to the point where you will speak up and it will definitely lead to conflict.

4)     Jealousy or dependent: this is when your partner demands too much attention or time most especially seeing you with your opposite sex or probably doing things better than he/she does.

5)     Condescending: this is when your partner treats you like you are stupid or inferior that is acting like he/she is better than you.

6)     Abusive: this is very bad in relationship if a partner practice such. Being abusive may include slaps, spits, hits, calls names, or verbally abusive. Your partner should be valued in your eyes and not a thrash to you.

7)     Cheat: this is when your partner is having an affair outside the relationship or say something intimately that can lead to conflict. Cheating is a very crucial matter an irresponsible for any partner to practice such.

8)     Does not consider: this means that if your partner is inconsiderate that is does not help in the house chores, doing things the opposite way by making everything you do positively look negative, it can lead to conflict.

9)     Sexual desire: this is when your partner doesn’t act sexually interesting or sexually tease you or probably refuses to have sex with you, I mean this can lead to a greater conflict like a WAR. Just teasing, but ensure you satisfy your partner sexually on every side.

10)Self centered: this is when your partner acts selfish; always thinking of his/herself alone. Try as much as possible to carry your partner along in anything you intend doing.

11)Appearance: that is insulting your appearance of always or most times not well dress or your hair styles or body odour or anything that he/she feels negative and dislike about you.

        

         POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS IN RESOLVING CONFLICTS:

1)     Describe you problems or what’s bothering you in few words and let your partner respond.

2)     Look together at deeper concerns

3)     Decide if it’s a problem or just differences

4)     Pick the right time

5)     Give your partner the benefits of doubt.

6)     Learn from successive wives and husbands

7)     Be patient with yourself and your partner.

8)     Understand the way he/she handles issues and treat the way he will understand. A soft answer turns away wrought. 
Read also: Signs your relationship is in trouble

CONCLUSION: A relationship is a blissful thing that you enjoy when there is mutual understanding and both partners look for the best possible ways in handling relationship issues rather than conflicts because I see conflicts as a stepping stone towards marriage dissolution and the  other end it is a measure in which partners use in expressing themselves  for better understanding, it has its advantages and disadvantage, all you will be advised to do is understand you partner and understand this article you are sure to overcome conflict in your relationship.

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Franklin Nathaneal

                        Writer